The sexual revolution

by Libby Juliá Vázquez

A young lady in her 20s recently told me about a situation she encountered with a young man who was trying to ‘talk’ to her.  He had offered to take her out and as part of that offer he included a night in a hotel room. She was perplexed; a hotel room on a first date?  “It’s not that kind of party,” she told him.

She was laughing while she recounted the story, but she was sincerely disheartened.  She wanted to know: “Is that all there is? Is that all I can expect when it comes to men and dating?”

I wished that I had some words of wisdom for her, but the truth was that, quite a few years her senior and with a lot more dating experience, my recent dating stories were not very different from hers. In fact, most of my single friends had very similar stories, and frustrated, have all but given up on dating.

In light of Keyla Cedano’s blog, Men: You are the weakest link, goodbye, I wondered how this new concept of dating— where sex is often assumed to be part of the plan— came to be?  Did our search for equality come at the price of good old-fashioned courting?  The answer might be YES!

Pardon my bluntness, but we may have literally screwed ourselves when it comes to dating. In trying to free ourselves of the sexual norms society (religion?) placed upon us—good girl vs. bad girl— we decided to throw caution to the wind and fulfill our sexual needs without regard to emotional consequence.

In only thinking about our physical needs, we forgot that men were a part of the equation and never considered their reaction to all of this newfound freedom.  But as Isaac Newton said (not in regards to sex, but it’s fitting) “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

Men followed suit and relished in our sexual freedom right along with us. Who could blame them? They like sex, they want sex; we like sex, we want sex.  Let’s get down to business.

But women are wired differently, and as much as we may want to deny it, very few of us can separate the sexual act from our emotions.   We want the freedom of choice: The ability to choose whether or not to have sex without being categorized as good or bad—the same freedom men have always seemingly enjoyed— but we also want to be courted so that eventually we cannot only enjoy the act of sex, but also the intimacy that comes when it is with someone with whom we share an emotional connection.

Oh, if only we could have a do-over where the sexual revolution is concerned. We might approach it differently so that both men and women could communicate what it means to them.  But as we can’t, what is the answer?  Is dating a dying art form?  Can men and women reach a happy medium where sex and dating are concerned, or are we forever destined to be Mars vs. Venus?

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To learn more about Libby Juliá Vázquez,
visit Write Media.

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Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and should not be understood to be shared by Being Latino, Inc.

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10 Comments to “The sexual revolution”

  1. To tell you the truth, I don’t think much has changed, the only thing that has changed is the manners about it. Men assume sex regardless if the mention a hotel room or not, its just more of an honesty thing now. I would prefer a man to make himself look like an ass (like the guy in the story) and show his true colors NOW then go through the past decades of BS, 3 weeks of dating etc for him waiting to get what he wanted (sex) and then leaving anyway. So you see, its not the change of men or the sexual revolution of women. Its the honesty of what is really wanted.

    I know that we as women would love to have a man lie to us for the next 3 weeks about how into us they are and how they love us but at least this guy came out and told her what kind of person he was. Tell him to hit the pavement.

  2. Libby,

    If this post were any more true, I’d marry you…
    There is no doubt a lot of good has come with the feminist movement. However, we have also lost a lot in attempting to make ourselves seem as if we are wired the way men are- which WE ARE NOT.

  3. Great piece Libby. With time come changes. Women want equality and we got it. It just sometimes feels like we got it under a man’s terms. Why can’t a woman be just as sexually open as a man and still hold true to her chivalrous needs? I want both of those things and will do the same for him. I can hold his door too. I can pay the bill too. If he is truly interested in who I am, he won’t mind waiting. Besides, call me old-fashioned but sex should be with someone you love. If we truly have emotional attachments to the act, then wear the shoe because it fits.

  4. I’m not suprised that guy is a jerk but at least he was upfront about it I would’ve told him where to go and kept moving. I think the feminist movement brought us more equality but we gave some chivalrous things up too. A lot of women think they have the upper hand but a man will always stand on his two feet waiting for the next why b/c men think differently and women think with their emotions. I also wouldn’t sleep with someone only after knowing them 3 wks or without proof of no stds. You have to show self respect and not make things too easy. If he really is interested he’ll wait if not next in line pls

  5. choose your own path. If you wanna fuck, fuck…
    If you wanna wait 3weeks, years.. you can doit.
    and you can have both, prob not at the same time.

    just keep in mind men have millions of sperm, and our MO is to spread them out. And we can doit forever.

    attraction is not a choice.
    Read the “Red Queen”

  6. As a guy, allow me to take a shot at explaining what happened during the women feminism/sexual revolution (bare with me please, I am just an XY chromosome): it seems that although women gained the freedom to choose how you want to live your life, women in general still base their self esteem on the way they attract the sex they desire (if your lesbian, than your dating pool may be much smaller but you still depend on someone else approving of your beauty, intelligence etc.). Unfortunately, this need to be loved, appreciated (emotional), women arent empowered ENOUGH yet to resist the advancements of men (sexually) in a world where sex sells AND with women buying into sexuality as bait for men, and since its soooo available to us now that if you dont give it up, than there is a woman just as sexy as you that will. Sucks doesnt it? (hence the need to be well rounded, no pun intended)

    On top of that, I admit a mans standard is very simple, you sexy + me horny + both of us attracted = resolver (lets resolve this issue). A man can be satisfied and the women is left with ONLY a physical statisfaction(hopefully right lol). I have much more to say because those who commented brought some interesting points like courting and the chivalrous paradox of our time, pero no quiere ser canzon lol.

  7. Any man who expects sex on the 1st date, is no man at all and lacks the manners that should have been taught to him by his mother and father, the maturity which he gained through life experience and the wisdom that is given to him by god, that being said this young lady should be looking for male friends in more appropriate places then the one she is currently looking in.

    • George, you are absolutely right. I have raised a respectful young man and, interestingly, his experience has been similar — except that the young women are a little too “forward.” I, too, have suggested that he may “looking for love in all the wrong places…”

  8. The guy is a jerk IMHO but a woman can go along if she so feels compelled to. I mean maybe she’s horney too! They are consenting adults why not. She can set her limits where and when she wants to– I think is what it’s all about. Not following anyone’s norms or standards, but your own. So I think you can have both of worlds, chivalry and permiscuity! All this said, being careful and wise would help. Say this to a young person or teenager is not good. It takes maturity to do it!

  9. I couldn’t agree with you more! And i feel like in the rut of this “sexual revolution” and feminist movement the women who were screwed over were the small population of “old fashioned” gals. Men are just think that sex is a given now, and that courting a women is just plain outdated… but there are still women out there who believe in this.

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